your room smells of hookers.
And success
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
