I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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