hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
