remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
