The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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