so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
