the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
