i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
