found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
