You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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