I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
