There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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