I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
