Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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