I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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