cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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