Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
