...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
