But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
