The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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