I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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