Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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