he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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