Small penises have feelings too.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
