Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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