Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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