Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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