Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
worst night to have a conscience
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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