Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
