I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
