Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
