i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
