I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
