You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
