i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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