the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
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Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
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Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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