I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
