Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
