then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize