you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize