help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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