My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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