Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
