he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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