So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
