I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
