smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
