u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
