Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
