I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
