How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
