K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
