Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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