the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
