How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
