It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
