make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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