i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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