He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
