ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
