Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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