I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
