Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i think i just lost a toe
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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