She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
