I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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