Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
