i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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