literally had 100 drinks last night.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
