I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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