i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
