Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
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I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
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I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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