When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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