You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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