so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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