Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
